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seapicklesupremacy Found out a little while ago that one of F's friends think that I sa'd him the day he confessed to me, and I haven't been so shook in a while.
Let me make it very clear: Under no circumstances did I, or will I, ever sexually assault anyone, let alone my friend. Was what we did stupid and regrettable? Yes. But did I force him to do anything he didn't want to do? No. He is a grown man capable of making decisions for himself and he chose to follow me to the bathroom to have sex.
He describes it as "a different head was in control", which is funny, but it's still obviously a joke. He wasn't mentally incapacitated in any regard and retained full control over his actions. He wanted sex, and I didn't object.
That's actually why his friend is upset at me, which sucks because he's a really cool dude and I respect him a lot. He believes I pressured F into it because I didn't object to his spiralling. I can sort of see where one might read that as pressuring, but to be frank I think it sounds like he's shoving the accountability of F's choices onto me. F's spilt his guts out to me, telling me how he likes me, he can't lose me, how I make him feel safe etc. and makes it known that he wants to kiss me. I also want to kiss him, I've wanted to kiss him for months now, why would I object to it now that the opportunity has dropped itself in my lap? The accusation stems from the fact that I knew it was a bad idea to get tangled up like this and I should've pushed him away and told him that we couldn't. But I didn't. I remained silent and let him tangle himself in knots over how much he wanted me, but knew we shouldn't. In the end, I opened my arms and told him if he wanted to, he could kiss me.
Was that a regrettable thing to say? Possibly. But I was simply letting him know the option was there if he so chose? Yes. As funny as it is for him to call me a siren and a tempter, I am only those things to him because he already wants me. I don't actually have supernatural powers and I am not trying to manipulate him to do my bidding. He is not under my control. If he doesn't have the self-restraint to stop him from jumping into the water, why push the blame onto me? Because I didn't actively push him away? That's bullshit and you know it.
Getting accused of something so heinous, especially since both he and I are previous victims of sexual assault, is so fucking insulting and maddening. Yes, I know just because you're a victim of something doesn't mean you're not incapable of inflicting the same harm into someone else, but to have someone falsely accuse you of something you try so so hard to never perpetuate for a bullshit reason is driving me insane. I feel hysterical trying to defend myself. I know I didn't sexually assault someone, but that's the kind of accusation that permanently stains someone's opinion of you, even if it's not true. No matter how desperately I try to make my case, to someone who's already made up their mind, it rings hollow and unconvincing, and like I'm only trying to cover my own ass.
F says that if I'm good and I don't do anything terrible to him for the next several months, it'll blow over and his friend will forgive me, but that's not comforting in the slightest. His friend will always think I sexually assaulted him now and no amount of time will smooth that over in his brain. I'm half tempted to show him this post to explain my side, but I think it'll change anything. It'll just look like I'm covering my ass again :/
Let me make it very clear: Under no circumstances did I, or will I, ever sexually assault anyone, let alone my friend. Was what we did stupid and regrettable? Yes. But did I force him to do anything he didn't want to do? No. He is a grown man capable of making decisions for himself and he chose to follow me to the bathroom to have sex.
He describes it as "a different head was in control", which is funny, but it's still obviously a joke. He wasn't mentally incapacitated in any regard and retained full control over his actions. He wanted sex, and I didn't object.
That's actually why his friend is upset at me, which sucks because he's a really cool dude and I respect him a lot. He believes I pressured F into it because I didn't object to his spiralling. I can sort of see where one might read that as pressuring, but to be frank I think it sounds like he's shoving the accountability of F's choices onto me. F's spilt his guts out to me, telling me how he likes me, he can't lose me, how I make him feel safe etc. and makes it known that he wants to kiss me. I also want to kiss him, I've wanted to kiss him for months now, why would I object to it now that the opportunity has dropped itself in my lap? The accusation stems from the fact that I knew it was a bad idea to get tangled up like this and I should've pushed him away and told him that we couldn't. But I didn't. I remained silent and let him tangle himself in knots over how much he wanted me, but knew we shouldn't. In the end, I opened my arms and told him if he wanted to, he could kiss me.
Was that a regrettable thing to say? Possibly. But I was simply letting him know the option was there if he so chose? Yes. As funny as it is for him to call me a siren and a tempter, I am only those things to him because he already wants me. I don't actually have supernatural powers and I am not trying to manipulate him to do my bidding. He is not under my control. If he doesn't have the self-restraint to stop him from jumping into the water, why push the blame onto me? Because I didn't actively push him away? That's bullshit and you know it.
Getting accused of something so heinous, especially since both he and I are previous victims of sexual assault, is so fucking insulting and maddening. Yes, I know just because you're a victim of something doesn't mean you're not incapable of inflicting the same harm into someone else, but to have someone falsely accuse you of something you try so so hard to never perpetuate for a bullshit reason is driving me insane. I feel hysterical trying to defend myself. I know I didn't sexually assault someone, but that's the kind of accusation that permanently stains someone's opinion of you, even if it's not true. No matter how desperately I try to make my case, to someone who's already made up their mind, it rings hollow and unconvincing, and like I'm only trying to cover my own ass.
F says that if I'm good and I don't do anything terrible to him for the next several months, it'll blow over and his friend will forgive me, but that's not comforting in the slightest. His friend will always think I sexually assaulted him now and no amount of time will smooth that over in his brain. I'm half tempted to show him this post to explain my side, but I think it'll change anything. It'll just look like I'm covering my ass again :/
