Cont.

[seapicklesupremacy]

 To be a little less eloquent about it, it really felt like someone had kicked me in the gut when she reminded me yet again that we're only friends. My naive hope is only going to get me hurt so I need to lock tf in. The emotional part of me wants to confess, the rational part of me says that'll be the end of our friendship, let alone any relationship. I should be grateful for what I have. I should be thankful that they even indulge in my desperate attempts to play house.

I'm terrified that one day that I won't be able to control my emotions and I'll let everything spill. I'm scared that it'll just decide that I'm boring and move on to the next person. God, the way my chest aches at that thought. I've never been a jealous person much, but god the thought of them doing any of this with someone after – god forbid, during – our current bout actually kills me a little inside. But who gave me the right to be so posessive?? They owe me nothing. Why do I think I'm entitled to anything?

God, I'm so pathetic. I've never been more humilated in my life.