NU: Carnival new maid café event is driving me insane

GUYS!! Listen I know I haven't played nu carnival in like a couple of months 😅 But I might just crack open the app again because the new event has my eyebrows ascending into the stratosphere!! OLIVINE!!! OLIVINE WITH GLASSES IN A LONG MAID DRESS OOH LORD EUEUEUWIGHWKEIEHHDHH HE'S SO CUTE I NEED HIM I CANNOT DO THIS I NEED THIS CARD SO BAD BUT I DON'T HAVE THE FUNDS 😭😭😭😭 And what if I get Dante's card instead 😰 His card is objectively ugly, what gap moe? 😭 I'll settle for Rei's but he's bit too much of a whore to appreciate properly 😔 I mean he's sexy, but almost to the point of absurdity 

 

Life can be so unfair sometimes

 There's something so specifically annoying and soul-crushing about sitting next to someone that traumatised you and they most likely don't remember doing it at all. Here I am reliving some of the worst moments of my life, my mind fantasising all the ways you could hurt me again, while you don't spare me a second glance.

I mention this because today I was abruptly reminded that I did not come here alone. One of the people that sexually harassed me as a kid is one of my current classmates. I don't talk to him and I avoid him whenever possible, but by unfortunate coincidence, we sat next to each other today. 

So I'm mentally quaking at the thought of having to talk to him again while he doesn't bat an eye. Isn't that so irritating?? I'm having an averse emotional reaction to your very presence, but despite you being the one having done wrong, I'm the one who has to suffer?? I'm the one left to grapple with the consequences? This is so fucking unfair.